Work with Me

I work with clients through all phases of a divorce, from thinking about it to dating after divorce.

The four major phases, depending on your individual situation typically are:

 

  1. Managing Emotions, Stress, and Overwhelm

  2. Preparation and Organization

  3. Decision Making

  4. Healing and Transitioning

To learn more about how Divorce Coaching can help to transform your divorce experience > Click on the + buttons below:

Very few marriages end easily. 

The end may be a long time coming, it may be because of a blindsiding event, or many other possibilities…

And at a time when you are being required to make critical life decisions in a timely manner – you find yourself stressed, emotional, overwhelmed and quite possibly angry. 

Here’s why your emotions may go into hyper-drive:

  • You hurt to your core
  • You have so many fears about what this decision means for your future. 
  • You aren’t eating or sleeping well
  • You feel blindsided by a sudden lack of financial security and uncertainty
  • You are worried about how this will affect your kids and your ability to parent
  • Daily actions by your spouse trigger you
  • You feel a complete lack of control – a brand new feeling
  • Your plate is full> work, single Parenting.  And, you are investing many hours to understand a legal process
  • You worry you’ll be alone

All of this is normal. It’s horrible and unsettling and difficult to process, and what sometimes surprises clients is that many divorce attorneys would prefer to solely focus on the law, and the technical aspects of your case and leave emotional issues unsupported with no resolution or strategies for coping and calming down.

As your divorce coach, here’s how I can help:

  • provide you with a calm, non-judgmental space
  • validate what you are going through is normal
  • help you to better understand the Fight or Flight Brain and how to minimize the impact 
  • give in-the-moment support to recognize and mitigate being triggered by your spouse
  • give strategies for coping and self-care
  • minimize the unknown – by providing resources and information
  • save you money and time
  • work with you to be best-self and best parent
  • help you regain control

BENEFITS of Managing Emotions, Stress and Overwhelm:

  • Calmer more thoughtful decision making 
  • Quick management of your “hijacked brain”
  • Increase self-awareness
  • Gain understanding about your triggers
  • More energy for the things you enjoy
  • More productive meetings with your Attorney and Financial Advisor
  • Lower costs working on the emotions, stress & overwhelm with a Divorce Coach versus your attorney
  • Learn to look at your divorce like a business deal
  • Enjoying feelings of hopefulness and overall well-being during the divorce and after

The HAZARDS of Not Managing Emotions, Stress and Overwhelm:

  • Health begins to deteriorate
  • Difficulty focusing and being productive
  • Increased chance of making mistakes
  • More likely to throw in the towel in negotiations
  • More likely to let others make decisions for you
  • Prolonged healing and recovery
  • Prolonged divorce process
  • Greater expense using attorney’s time to vent emotions
  • Other relationships suffer 
  • Children suffer
  • Regrets

I help clients to prepare and get organized for the divorce. Working with me, I can provide:

  • Resources: partners that I know personally- attorneys, therapists, and financial advisors
  • Tools: for example, an overview of the process and your options,  a list of recommended questions to ask your attorney, and others.
  • Preparation: support you in working through the initial paperwork so that you can move forward informed and with confidence. I can help you to find critical pieces of information for your paperwork. 
  • Support you before attorney/financial meetings to maximize efficiency in your meeting time, including before mediation or trial. 
  • Goal Setting and co-creating a vision that aligns with your values.
  • Organization: Support you to keep track of your paperwork, raise your awareness about what you will need to move forward to get ready to file for divorce, help you to organize your thoughts and communications. 

THE BENEFITS of Being Organized and Prepared. You will have:

  • A team of resources
  • Tools to be prepared
  • Better understanding of the process
  • Clarity on how to go forward
  • Action plan 
  • Confidence and calm
  • Less stress
  • Better divorce outcome

The HAZARDS Of Not Being Prepared. You may experience:

  • Difficulty meeting deadlines
  • Fears escalating
  • Difficulty gathering your thoughts at critical times
  • Uncertainty about your financial picture
  • Inability to make informed decisions 
  • Greater costs with attorney
  • Increasing stress and overwhelm

There are many decisions to make in your divorce. These will be some of the most important decisions in your life. It is imperative that you are prepared, organized, and managing your emotions, stress, and overwhelm to enable you to make those meaningful decisions that lead to the best outcome for you and your children.  But it won’t be easy:

You’ll be faced with an overwhelming amount of decisions:

  • There are few times in your life where you will be asked to make as many decisions in a short period
  • Well-intentioned advice during divorce comes in from everywhere. Some good, some not so good
  • Your emotions are on hyper-drive and your ability to focus and make clear decisions is compromised

Bad decisions come in many forms:

  • Choosing short-term over long-term gain
  • Choosing to inflict harm on spouse
  • Getting dug-in on small issues which run-up legal costs
  • Choosing to “throw in the towel” and leave “money on the table” when you are depleted

Your attorney will advise you what the law in your state will dictate for the outcome of your divorce. 

You will make the decisions.

As your divorce coach:

  • I’ve been here before myself and with other clients, I know what decisions are coming for you and the options
  • We will work together to help you prioritize which decisions matter most
  • I will support you to recognize and ensure that emotions don’t lead you to bad decisions
  • I will guide you to set goals, and create an action plan that aligns with your values and the vision you have for your future moving forward 
  • Together we will value-test decisions and how to get the most value

As your divorce coach, we can take those challenging decisions and break them down. We can walk down a pathway of possibilities and test out your options. 

I can shine a spotlight on many possibilities to help you to see options > ones that you might not have thought of to get to the decisions that will work best for you. 

I support you to stay focused and on track in your process.

THE BENEFITS of Good Decision Making

  • Fewer regrets
  • Better life
  • You decide what works for you with your specific needs and concerns
  • Action oriented
  • Align with your values and goals
  • Creates opportunity for your future

THE HAZARDS of Not Making Good Decisions Or Not Making Decisions At All:

  • Tying yourself up in knots and not being able to make decisions can delay the process and increase attorney costs
  • Allowing the court to decide your outcomes takes the power away from you over your future life
  • Emotional decisions or decisions made in haste can have lifelong consequences 
  • Not thinking through decisions can create bad decisions
  • Limiting your options can lead to short-sightedness in decision making
  • Being inflexible or dug-in on a position can create negative consequences and derail negotiations.
  • Can leave you feeling stuck and fearful

It may seem impossible as you read this today, but the clients who heal and transition fastest actually make time to focus on healing from the beginning.

In this phase, we work together to help you create self-awareness and ways to insert healthy practices and self-care into your daily life. 

  • Are you suffering with physical manifestations from stress, anger, unhappiness, loneliness and hopelessness? 
  • Have you, for so long, put your needs and happiness on the back burner? 
  • Have you stopped doing things you enjoy? 
  • Are you numbing yourself with wine, binging netflix, or something else?

Divorce is a brave step whether you chose it or you’ve been blindsided by it! 

Getting through it by prioritizing your physical, mental, and spiritual well being is key.

Together we work towards healing keeping you:

  • Coping with the changes that divorce creates
  • Creating and maintaining safe boundaries with your ex
  • Showing up for your kids in the best way
  • Exploring healthy effective ways to boost the “feel good” hormones
  • Implementing ways to fit self-care, exercise or mindfulness practices into your day
  • Minimizing triggers 
  • Creating awareness about why the marriage ended and each person’s part

THE BENEFITS of Healing and Working Towards Transitioning to Your New Life:

  • Make less emotionally charged decisions
  • Have the stamina to continue the process and avoid throwing in the towel
  • Feel better, calmer, & commonly those physical symptoms may diminish or disappear
  • Chances are when the veil of unhappiness and stress lift you will look better
  • Embrace new self care practices and maybe some mindfulness and exercise
  • Approach dating again healed and feeling better to meet someone 
  • Leave your emotional baggage out of new relationships
  • Talk about more positively energizing things than the story of your divorce
  • Figure out who you are and what you want your life to look like going forward.
  • Practice communication with your ex that gets the job done without triggering you
  • Regain hopefulness and joy and embrace your resilience
  • Be proud of the parent that you have been through a very difficult time

THE HAZARDS of Not Doing the Work Of Healing and Transitioning. You Might:

  • Hold on to your anger
  • Make unhealthy choices to cope with your emotions
  • Let your unresolved emotions bleed into your relationships and parenting
  • Experience a decline in your well-being and your physical health
  • Stay stuck
  • Experience difficulty dating or finding a suitable companion 
  • Communication with your ex will be stressful and triggering
  • Negative self-talk 

How, Where and When Do the Coaching Sessions Take Place?

Divorce Coaching is accessible to anyone from anywhere. 

Typically, I coach clients over the phone or by video conferencing such as Zoom or Facetime. If you live in the Chicagoland area – we can meet face to face. And, occasionally I am in Southwest Florida where I meet with clients face-to-face as well.